dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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