Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
