If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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