Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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