last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
