I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
