Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
