Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
