u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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