i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
