she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
