I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
