True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
