A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
