I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
