The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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