im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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