Your face is a jimmy john
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
