just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
