That's when you crack a 10am beer
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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