guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
