It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
