apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
