Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
