I'm eating all of the evidence.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
