Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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