But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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