He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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