Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
