just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
