hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
