i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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