Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
