If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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