That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hippo gnu deer
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
