My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
