You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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