Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
