Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
