Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
