how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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