I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
