Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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