your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
