it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
