At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
