i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
