why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
