I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
