is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
