The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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