u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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