is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
