I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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