apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
