I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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