so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
