It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
