I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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