one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
