brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
