just come out here and I will go home with you...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
