i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
