The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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