Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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