The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
