My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
