guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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