Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
