he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
